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Life is about moments, little moments. Those little moments can be locked away, compartmentalized, combined, loved, hated or even life changing. In an instant, a moment can stop you in your tracks.
Today, a moment did just that....
At 2:00p.m., my beautiful grandmother passed away and was reunited with my Papa. It has been a long wait and a long journey for her. She is finally were she needs to be and where she deserves to be. Receiving a call like that takes your breath away. Its like hitting a wall and its hard to right yourself from unexpected news like that.
Death is not exact, it can not be predicated to the last finite moment, it is sometimes unpleasant but it can also be beautiful. Death is always final and permanent. Right now, that is what hurts the most. Knowing that there will never be another look, another touch, another chance and never another moment. In an instant, one persons life is over and so many other lives are changed. In an instant your chance at moments become holding tight to precious memories.
My Mema was a beautiful women. She was a fixture in my life for as long as I can remember. Mema and Papa were my home when I wasn't home with my mom and dad. I can't even think to a memory in my childhood that doesn't have me flashing back to their faces. Mema taught me how to cook, how to sit quietly in church, how to make peach cobbler and how to shell pecans. She smelled good, had hands that I will never forget, sang beautiful hymnals, had a scar on her lip, was endearing and devoted. My grandfather loved her with every fiber of his being until the last time he took a breath. She was that worthy!
As I pondered my life with her today my heart is full. I spent days after school by her side, many Sundays at church holding her hands, spent summers as a teenager with her in Texas picking flowers, late nights playing Nintendo and I will never, ever forget the day she turned in 3000 Betty Crocker points to buy me a cookbook and cassette tape she knew I would love. She was a simple women who didn't need things. I think that is one thing I loved about her most. She knew what was important and she gave her time, love and energy as such.
To say she will be missed is an understatement, but she has been missed for some time now. Alzheimer's Disease has been taking her from us little by little and year by year. So while I am sad, I only morn for myself. Her death was slightly unexpected and I was not in the least bit prepared to deal with the pain. I think my mind said goodbye to her some time ago, now it is time for my heart to accept it and let her go. She would not have wanted to live with Alzheimer's, as she has for many years. She would not have wanted to be apart from Papa for as long as she has. She deserves to go home to her Heavenly Father. She deserves to be at peace.
It has been a difficult day. These are the times when being so far away from everyone I love hurts so much. The distance between here and there feels infinite tonight. I want to rush down south to be with my family, say my own goodbyes and get closure that always feels comfortable. Unfortunately, life doesn't always lend itself so easily. My Trav is gone, I am alone with the kids and I guess I could really just use a hug. Its sort of hard to know what to do, what to say or how to be. I have been going over my options all day. I hope the answers and the peace I need will find me. I go to bed tonight knowing that my beautiful grandmother is back in the arms of her love. He has been waiting for her for 7 years. Their reunion will be bittersweet and beautiful I am sure. She is that worthy!
This poem was read at my grandfathers funeral and I think it speaks the same for my grandmother now.
To say she will be missed is an understatement, but she has been missed for some time now. Alzheimer's Disease has been taking her from us little by little and year by year. So while I am sad, I only morn for myself. Her death was slightly unexpected and I was not in the least bit prepared to deal with the pain. I think my mind said goodbye to her some time ago, now it is time for my heart to accept it and let her go. She would not have wanted to live with Alzheimer's, as she has for many years. She would not have wanted to be apart from Papa for as long as she has. She deserves to go home to her Heavenly Father. She deserves to be at peace.
She will be laid to rest in the family plot aside my grandfather at Lawrence Chapel in the hills of Texas
It has been a difficult day. These are the times when being so far away from everyone I love hurts so much. The distance between here and there feels infinite tonight. I want to rush down south to be with my family, say my own goodbyes and get closure that always feels comfortable. Unfortunately, life doesn't always lend itself so easily. My Trav is gone, I am alone with the kids and I guess I could really just use a hug. Its sort of hard to know what to do, what to say or how to be. I have been going over my options all day. I hope the answers and the peace I need will find me. I go to bed tonight knowing that my beautiful grandmother is back in the arms of her love. He has been waiting for her for 7 years. Their reunion will be bittersweet and beautiful I am sure. She is that worthy!
This poem was read at my grandfathers funeral and I think it speaks the same for my grandmother now.
Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die.
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die.
Mary Elizabeth Frye
2 comments:
What an absolutely beautuful tribute to your grandmother Rachel, you touched my heart. Im sure she is smiling down on you & so very proud of the amazing woman her grandaughter is. You're in my prayers & sending you a virtual hug my friend!
Susan :-)
Thank you for your beautiful words. My Gramma has Alzheimer's and my Grampa, her very beloved husband, has been gone for many years now. This post hit home in many ways. I'm so sorry for the heartache that you must be going through. I know the extra pain that is added on by the thousands of miles that seperate you and your family. Hold tight to your memories.
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