In an instant...

Life is about moments, little moments.  Those little moments can be locked away, compartmentalized, combined, loved, hated or even life changing.  In an instant, a moment can stop you in your tracks.  

Today, a moment did just that....

At 2:00p.m., my beautiful grandmother passed away and was reunited with my Papa.  It has been a long wait and a long journey for her.  She is finally were she needs to be and where she deserves to be.  Receiving a call like that takes your breath away.  Its like hitting a wall and its hard to right yourself from unexpected news like that.  

Death is not exact, it can not be predicated to the last finite moment, it is sometimes unpleasant but it can also be beautiful.  Death is always final and permanent.  Right now, that is what hurts the most.  Knowing that there will never be another look, another touch, another chance and never another moment.  In an instant, one persons life is over and so many other lives are changed.  In an instant your chance at moments become holding tight to precious memories.  

My Mema was a beautiful women.  She was a fixture in my life for as long as I can remember.  Mema and Papa were my home when I wasn't home with my mom and dad.  I can't even think to a memory in my childhood that doesn't have me flashing back to their faces.  Mema taught me how to cook, how to sit quietly in church, how to make peach cobbler and how to shell pecans.  She smelled good, had hands that I will never forget, sang beautiful hymnals, had a scar on her lip, was endearing and devoted.  My grandfather loved her with every fiber of his being until the last time he took a breath. She was that worthy! 

As I pondered my life with her today my heart is full. I spent days after school by her side, many Sundays at church holding her hands, spent summers as a teenager with her in Texas picking flowers, late nights playing Nintendo and I will never, ever forget the day she turned in 3000 Betty Crocker points to buy me a cookbook and cassette tape she knew I would love.  She was a simple women who didn't need things.  I think that is one thing I loved about her most.  She knew what was important and she gave her time, love and energy as such.

To say she will be missed is an understatement, but she has been missed for some time now.  Alzheimer's Disease has been taking her from us little by little and year by year.  So while I am sad, I only morn for myself.  Her death was slightly unexpected and I was not in the least bit prepared to deal with the pain.  I think my mind said goodbye to her some time ago, now it is time for my heart to accept it and let her go.   She would not have wanted to live with Alzheimer's, as she has for many years.  She would not have wanted to be apart from Papa for as long as she has.  She deserves to go home to her Heavenly Father.  She deserves to be at peace.

 She will be laid to rest in the family plot aside my grandfather at Lawrence Chapel in the hills of Texas

It has been a difficult day.  These are the times when being so far away from everyone I love hurts so much.  The distance between here and there feels infinite tonight.  I want to rush down south to be with my family, say my own goodbyes and get closure that always feels comfortable. Unfortunately, life doesn't always lend itself so easily. My Trav is gone, I am alone with the kids and I guess I could really just use a hug.  Its sort of hard to know what to do, what to say or how to be.    I have been going over my options all day.  I hope the answers and the peace I need will find me.  I go to bed tonight knowing that my beautiful grandmother is back in the arms of her love.  He has been waiting for her for 7 years.  Their reunion will be bittersweet and beautiful I am sure.  She is that worthy!

This poem was read at my grandfathers funeral and I think it speaks the same for my grandmother now.  

Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die. 

Mary Elizabeth Frye

Beautifully Frustrating...

Today was the day!  I knew it would eventually come. I even subconsciously predicted it would happen about now. At least I can say I truly know myself.

Today was the first day in roughly 50 days that the sun has been shining, there was no school and I had the day off. I had big plans for today. A bike ride into town, lunch with my kiddos, we would stop for a hot chocolate on the way back home and definitely walk the dogs.  We would all sing songs, love each other, probably stop and enjoy group hugs and public displays of affection multiple times. 

All this was my perfect day until my shit show of a day actually started. I didn't hardly sleep at all last night. I listened to a moaning dog and the sound of my son grinding his teeth. At 7:50am I open my eyes and realize that Travis is supposed to be at swim at 8:00am. We are going to be late, his coach doesn't really appreciate late. I wake him up, he is pissed, he throws down some food and we arrive late to swim.  I pick him up thinking about how we will rebound from the morning.  He gets in the car and excitedly explains, he wants to go to an air soft gun battle at a local recreation area with 5 other friends. I can't tell him no, as he rarely asks me to go to things like this. I agree even though my heart wanted to ride bikes. So by 10:30a.m. I have dropped Travi and 2 friends off for war. Taylor and I come home and she is not even remotely interested in leaving the house.  I eventually convince her to head into town as I have decided to surprise the kids with an evening fire at the beach.  We go into town, run errands, buy food and firewood.

It's now 2:00pm, I get Travi from the battlefield.  He is super stoked about dinner on the beach as is Taylor. We rush home, get all our food, chairs, fire making stuff, camera and beach gear, load it into the truck and pick up Taylor's little friend. By now, I'm imaging a beautiful evening on the beach with the kids. We are going to beachcomb, watch the sunset and sit around the fire.(insert: coom-ba-ya song).   Little did I know everyone else on this God forsaken, rainy island has the same cabin fever and the same idea.  After driving to 3 separate Rec. Areas and a cove at the end of the road it's clear we will not be getting a spot to build our fire or eat on the beach. 

This is where the emotional train I have been coasting on barrels into the station and explodes into flames!!  As we are driving back into town again, I am fighting back tears. Travi is trying to reassure me it's ok and Taylor is in the back seat bitching about how it feels like we have been in the car for 500 miles.  FYI, Sitka has 14 miles of paved road. I take the kids to a little beach in town that sucks because it's crowded, rocky and the tide is pushing in.  I let them wander and I get fresh air.  

We go home so I can prepare our campfire food in the kitchen for dinner.  At some point I realize I have misplaced my sunglasses.  The sunglasses I love that I never get to wear because it's usually raining.  I'm looking for them and I loose it, completely loose it!  I walk outside, get in my car, in the driveway, shut the door and start bawling...loud and hysterically!  When I feel like I'm done, I start bawling again.  I go for at least three good rounds of uncontrollable, babbling like a sobbing baby, in my car, in the driveway. 

So, tonight I sit here at home with swollen, red eyes doing a mental recap/analyzation of the day.  My beautiful, sunny day was not my beautiful, sunny day.  I'm positive I am PMSing which did not help today at all. I tried to be the fun, outdoorsy mom and I sucked at it, BIG TIME!  Being a parent is a humbling experience.  Being a parent who can keep it together on the worst of days can feel impossible.  I overheard Travi tell his dad he can't wait for him to come how so they can do fun, outdoorsy stuff.  Obviously my son can see I am failing miserable in what he considers to be the "good time department." Sometimes I just wish I was the person who could meet everyones needs and demands.  The best wife, the perfect mom, the ultimate coworker, the reliable daughter and the good friend.  I can be pretty critical of myself and right now I'm just trying to decide if I have currently fallen out of love with this place and am ready to admit defeat. 

It's only when I look at these few pictures that I took today at the beach that I think I might not hate this place forever. It might just be this day.  I have banished all dogs and kids from my bedroom for the night.  Perhaps sleep, renewed perspective and a second day of sun will make me feel better.  My kids are gorgeous, my husband loves me and I have a great family back down south.  I think today just slapped me in the face.   I have always told myself that sometimes I feel like my life and this place are "beautifully frustrating!"  Maybe today my life and Sitka were just that.  By the way, the dogs never did get walked!

One Word Weeknights

JuJuCraft

Homework

Rainbow*Loom

Lazy

Pizza

Brewery

Weeks Over 

Lighten up....

So the other night while I was on the phone with my mom, I mentioned that since the debauchery that was my lack of cooking a few weekends ago when I was loathing in self pity, I was making up for it by trying to make great dinners that the kids love.  She told me, in reference to my Fruity Pebbles post that I was way to "up tight" about things.  

I have been replaying in my mind that conversation and wondering, am I really that uptight? Do other people think I am uptight?   

Well here is what I know...  

I know that when it comes to parenting I have set the bar pretty high when it comes to my children's expectations.  I was a stay at home mom for 8 years.  That gave me eight years to cook breakfast, lunch and dinner from scratch most every single night.  That gave me many years to volunteer in preschool and elementary school classrooms.  That gave me many years to make beautiful, awesome treats for school and events, all being hand delivered with a motherly smile.  I washed everyone's clothes, put them away nicely and neatly in their dressers.  My house was ALWAYS clean, toilets scrubbed.  I took the upmost pride in my job as a wife and mom, but I realize that I set the bar high.

I know that when it comes to food, our lives changed in 2007 when Taylor was diagnosed with severe food allergies.  It was just easier to prepare everything ourselves then to risk cross contamination at restaurants.  We banished fast food, she couldn't eat any of it and took matters into our own hands.  Therefore, if we wanted Asian, we cooked it.  If we wanted Mexican food, we cooked it.  If we wanted surf and turf, we prepared it ourselves.  Somewhere along the way I started to really think about our food.  What food does to our bodies, what we were eating and where it was coming from.  By 2008, when we were living in Cape Cod, I had completely reinvented our diets. With the help and input of my dear friend Tiff we sort of went on a journey to figure out food together.  We bought organic, stopped buying meat from the grocery stores, shared our recipes, shopped local,  watched documentaries, read books educating ourselves and each other.  It was sort of a food revolution for us and we realized that food isn't just about putting something in your mouth.  To this day, 6 years later both our family and Tiff's family still follow those same principals.  

I know that educating myself on food inevitably lead me to understand other aspects of being "future conscience." Healthy eating parallels being in some regard Eco-Friendly.  Trav and I are extremely outdoorsy people.  We camp, hike, bike, fish, hunt and just about anything else we can come up with.  Trav always tells me "Nature is my church."  We love and respect the outdoors, we want our kids to be the same way.  We would rather be doing something outside then anything else.  We think about our impact and the need to be aware that you can't tread on something like its a piece of shit and expect it to sustain itself.  We have repeated the simple quote, "Leave No Trace" to the kids at least a bazillion times.  Again, we buy organics when we can, we are avid recyclers, reusable grocery bags users, buy earth friendly products, etc. and just try to instill in our kids that there has to be a level of respect for all things and an understanding of our impact.  

Now over the years, I have taken a lot of wise cracking jokes from my dad about my recycling and my reusable bags.  I know he is kidding but I know he thinks I go a bit overboard.  I have obviously had more then my fair share of people say I'm uptight about our food and that everything is ok in moderation.  I have even been embarrassed to admit to a group that I haven't bought a box of Ziploc bags in probably 4 years because I know they will look at me like I'm nuts and ask a million questions.  To this day, I am still adjusting to being a working mom again who can't quite meet all of the expectations that my children have built up over the years. Truth be told,  these are just the norm for us.  I don't even give any of this a second thought, except for when in a moment of weakness I buy a box of Fruity Pebbles and make class treats that look like they were purchased from a circus.  My kids will always expect a high level of attentiveness and I will do my best to adhere.  My family will not snack on Ding Dongs, Twinkies or anything from McDonalds and my kids will understand the importance of taking care of our environment to the best of their level of ability.  

So I guess my point to all of this is that if this makes me uptight, I'm perfectly happy with being uptight.  I don't force my standards for living on others.  I'm sure most people think its odd or weird and that's OK too.  What validates me are just a few things...1) The food that I see going into my children's and my husbands mouth  2) The positive reinforcement that I receive from my friends who are mothers, but who are also being as conscience as I am about what we are doing.  3) Lastly, just knowing that I am doing what I think is the right thing.  I'm by no means an earth loving, organic foodie extremist looking for the next lumber company or processed food plant to pull off a domestic terror attack on.  I'm just a mom and a wife who reinvented my families food options, which in turn opened the door to a few other crunchy tendencies....AND THAT'S OK!

My family is happy, healthy, active and trying to set what we think is a good example.  

  

A jumbled what's up, what's new....MLK Day

What a difference a week can make. Last weekend I could barely muster the desire to feed my kids or get off the couch.   I have rebounded nicely, finding my groove.  I didn't forget to pick up my children from school, no one cried and everyone's extra activities were met with smiling faces.  Oh yeah, yesterday it did not rain at all during our daylight hours and we saw that orb in the sky that we also see on everyone else's weather forecast.

I realized over this past week that when I wear my big, big girl pants, the house seems to find its ebb and flow quickly. My attitude affects everyone at home including the dogs. If I am strong, upbeat and happy everyone smiles, if I am a hot mess it fels like everyone in the house is going to rip each other apart. 

As usually my mind is all over the place right now so I'm pretty sure this post will be all over the place as well.  ANYWAYS...

Today is Martin Luther King Day!  I am off work, the kids are at school.  I'm not sure why the schools up here don't observe this federal holiday but today I am perfectly fine with that.  In my mind this day feels epic.  I have a list a mile long of things I plan to accomplish.  Running, cleaning, baking, organizing, laundry and a dozen other small motherly feats I intend to tackle.  Last night I felt like I was going to conquer this house and my to do list while still finding time to watch a few shows on the Food Network.   Funny thing is the kids will be home in 6.5 hours and as of yet I have don't absolutely jack crap.  I'm still drinking coffee, sitting in the dark, enjoying total silence, blogging.   I love three day weekends!!

I FINALLY found a second bathing suit for Hawaii.  I have one that I bought our last summer on Cape Cod, which I obviously have not worn since then.  I wanted a second one because honestly who spends two weeks in Maui with only one swimsuit.  Well good grief, who knew buying a swim suit from the internet without ever trying them on would be such a nightmare.  Four online orders/exchanges later, success!  I was obviously looking for a suit that didn't look like I was a grandma, allowed this body to get an all over tan, while holding in my "girls" so that when I was done snorkeling or swimming I don't  come out of the water with a boob hanging out.

I typically don't endorse brand names but,  this suit is from Patagonia, a favorite brand in this house.  Patagonia makes quality clothing and this top is the only one I found that holds everything in really well. The top might look a little skimpy but honestly is a sport top that offers great coverage and keeps the girls tightly locked down.  I even bent over and jumped up and down. Anyone out there who is genetically well endowed, I know you understand me.


I recently started falling back in love with Pinterest.  I'm not sure why I fell out of love with it but I did. Just seemed like a lot of pinning was going on but I wasn't really doing anything with them.  Not to mention I don't really have time to sit down and rifle through pictures of gourmet kitchens and cute outfit recommendations.  So I just stopped pinning.  I use pinterest 99% of the time when I am making my weekly grocery list.  I love the recipe ideas and am always looking for an easy, healthy way to feed my family.  This past weekend I pinned some good options.  I don't typically share food or recipes on this blog but I thought these were great enough to share.  If you want these recipes you can find them on my Foodie board.

Remember that baking I said I planned to do today, this is it.  Banana Coconut Bread.  I sounds delicious

                                              Asian Fried Quinoa                                                    White Chicken Chili

I have been thinking a lot lately about my kids and how this next move and our lifestyle of constant change and moving has affected their perspectives, their personalities and who they are becoming.  With babies, moving seems challenging because babies come with a lot of stuff, bring sleepless nights, unique stressors and are completely dependent upon the parents.  On the upside though, you don't think about their social circles, activities and schooling.  You just have to move them from point A to point B.  Moving with older kids brings a totally different set of challenges.  My kids are quickly approaching their teen years and moving them now completely stresses me out.  Kids at their age are mean, vicious and less inviting or accepting.  It becomes more about how you look, what you wear, who you hang out with and not about what you have to offer.  I do truly wish that my kids could have stayed in one school and have lifelong friends.  

On the flip side though, my children are very unique because of this lifestyle.  Both are very strong, adaptable and knowledgeable.  They are very accepting of others and are sympathetic and caring.  I know without a doubt my son would not be the person he is if he had not spent all of his short life bouncing back and forth between Alaska and Cape Cod.  We have travelled, met wonderful people and experienced a lifetime of adventure in just a short amount of time.  We have exposed our kids to every opportunity and variety we could find in each location.  We have taken them camping in the remote Alaskan wilderness and we have walked the entire Freedom Trail in downtown Boston.  We have seen bears fish in the wild and we have purchased fresh caught lobsters off the docks in Portland, ME.  We have seen the sunset in one of the western most states and watched the sunrise in the eastern most state. 

I know this lifestyle has been beneficial and good to us but the thought of moving and starting over again is daunting and nerve wracking.  I hope and I do believe the good out weight the bad. Up until now its always been an adventure or a vacation that has us ending up in a new house.   I do anticipate though that at some point the kids will be angry with us for moving them.  They will be resentful and hurt that they have to say goodbye again.  I just hope that they understand and that when they are older they look back on their lives with us and are grateful for all the miles we logged, all the moves we made and all the houses we have lived in.   

Its hard to believe that in 8 months we will be submitting a new list of options and preparing for our next transfer.  

Well, I've successfully wasted 1/6th of my morning.  Don't get me wrong, I love blogging and keeping a log of my life but  I have much to do and really want to feel accomplished.  So to wrap this up, my Trav will be home in 18 days.  We are going to Maui in 52 days and its not raining today.  I am smiling!

Lastly, thank you Dr. King for being the intelligent, peaceful man that you were and for the work that you did in blurring the lines between Black and White.  We are a better people because of you and your dream.  

Spelling Bee: Irrational, Eye Gouging, Torture Tactics

So to preface this posts I would like to clarify that about 95% of the time I am a rational, sane, normal person BUT you all should know that there are a handful of people in this world, my children being two of them that I will go to war for.  

That being said, most of you know that Travi won the Geography Bee at his middle school last week. (Insert extremely proud mother jumping up and down).  This week was the Spelling Bee which he was a finalist in.  He was competing against about 25 other students, two of which are his"friends" who I am familiar with from other events and the standard conversations I have with my son.   At the spelling bee in the 3rd round Travis was given the word INFANT.  He heard and spelling the word INFINITE, correctly I might add and was disqualified from continuing on.  After he was excused he was crushed and upset about his mistake and we went home.  I gave him the standard motherly talk about being so proud, learning from this mistake and moving on. When we got home I then put ion a movie we had rented at the grocery store for him to enjoy and I went and took a hot shower.

I come down after my shower and he tells me he received a text from one of the two students I mentioned above stating that she was "mission complete" in lasting longer then Travis and that he sucked.  Then she and the other said child in the competition hit social media to congratulate one another on lasting longer then Travis and perhaps he wasn't "soooo smart" after all.   

This is where my irrational self comes into play.  I can see the hurt in his eyes.  I remind him that they are just joking and out of nowhere, something inside of me snaps.  I proceed to spew a nasty vulgar comment about both these kids and then try to convince my Travi to respond to both of them with a snide, snarky comment.  Of course he, the sensible one, refuses.  Then I proceed to go off on another tangent about how they are just jealous because they won nothing and have to make themselves feel better at his expense.  I might have added a few more nasty, disgusting describing words in there as well.   

I put the kids to bed, still stewing and proceed to view the comments and posting that these two kids made.  I'm now laying in bed thinking of ways to gouge out their eyeballs, implement a police "pit" maneuver on them if I see them riding their bikes or put soap in their snotty little mouths. If Trav were home this is where he would have used is most calm, understanding voice and talked me off the ledge of overacting and told me to go to sleep.  Well, he's not home so, fast forward to 3:00a.m. and I am awake in my bed thinking of torture tactics used overseas that I can use to make them feel like crap for hurting my son's feelings and making snotty comments at his expense.  

By 6:30a.m. I wake up and realize that I was completely irrational in my thinking.  I reminded myself that these are just children who's parents obviously have failed to teach them to be humble and kind. I know my son is going to have to face and deal with nasty people throughout his life.  His feelings will get hurt and his pride will get dinged.  What I have to do as his mother is teach him to loose gracefully and deal with buttholes in the kindest, most rational way.  I gave him a hug this morning, reminded him how proud we are and told him that if those two kids make any snotty comments he was to ignore them, move on, hold his head high, be the better person and be proud of what he's accomplished.  I remember middle school being some of the most brutal, toughest years of my life.  Kids are mean and nasty.  Luckily my son seems to take things in stride and not get worked up to much, unlike his mother.  He tried to even clarify to me that they were friends and it was not big deal.  I am not as easy to forgive and I am sure I will throw some nasty looks at the kids when I see them, because I can.  

I would go to war for that kid even if it meant going after two twelve year olds.

So today I am going to post the pictures from my Travi winning the National Geography Bee a week ago.  He studying for weeks and we are waiting to hear if he qualified to travel to Anchorage for the state finals.  He was so proud of himself and I was beside myself.  He is such a kick ass kid who is clearly a better person then I am.

Single Digits....

This past weekend, my beautiful baby girl turned 9!  Just like every other year I find myself asking, "Where has the time gone?"  She was just a baby in my arms, she was just a toddler.  Now, I see this gorgeous girl who is growing, changing and finding out who she is.  I am truly in awe of her.  She is everything a mother could want from a daughter.  She is caring, understanding, sympathetic and has a great belly laugh.  I am grateful for these last 9 years that she has given to our family.  

Taylor is most like her dad in that she is patient, easy going and adaptable.  She is not easily annoyed or flustered, an attribute that I am highly envious of.  She just always seems to smile, take things as they come and move on.  Don't get me wrong she has moments of weakness the inevitably leads to her bursting into tears but deep down she is strong and I love that about her.  She knows what she likes and what she doesn't like and she is not afraid to say it.

Likes:

pickles

music

her social life

jump roping

crafting

snuggling

cute clothes

cartwheels

alone time

Dislikes:

strenuous activities, ie. hiking, running, physical exertion of any kind

her brother annoying her ie. just about everything he does annoys her right now

eggs

waking up early

not being able to pick out her own clothes

having to wear a seat belt

grocery shopping

She is truly the light of my life and one of her fathers only weaknesses.

Here is a glimpse at the past 9 years...

Thank you baby girl...Happy Birthday!

The January Blues....

A friend and I had made soft plans to try and see each other this weekend.  She sent me a text yesterday that said she needed to reschedule, she wasn't feeling well.  I promptly replied that is was OK and that to be honest, I did not have the motivation to even leave my house.  She in turned replied that she had a full fledged case of the post Christmas/Sitka winter blues.  Immediately I knew I did too!  Her words described my feelings exactly.

She completely validated my feelings and it meant so much to know I was not the only one.

January of 2013 was the roughest month I had since we relocated to Sitka in June of 2012.  Its was extremely dark and generally dreary. I found myself emotional, crying in the shower and in general felt run down.  It took me a few days but I came to realize the weather was affecting me.  I did eventually rebound and because of the beautiful, epic summer we had last year I completely forgot about how much the post holiday/ winter blues hit me.  Until now.....

The past ten days I have been tired, emotional and bitchy.  I already told all of you in a previous post I was being a borderline bitch.  Well with the validation from my friend I can confess the blues are back.  The weather has been absolutely horrible.  Someone at work the other day told me we are heading into our 39th consecutive day of measurable precipitation and clouds.  I looked at the 10 day forecast and guess what???  Rain every damn day!  The fact that Trav is gone is not helping.  He is usually my mood booster and motivation.  With him not here I am finding it hard to dredge through my days.  

These are the days when I question how people live here forever.  Do they get the blues each winter like I do?  Are they immune to the endless rain?  Am I the only person who wants to stay in my pajamas and lay under my blanket?  BLAH...  At least I know that someone else, my friend is feeling the same way.  

I am looking forward to the darkness subsiding and our daylight extending.  I 'm looking forward to warmer days, sunshine on my face (hopefully) this summer and I'm looking forward to the trees being a vibrant green and the ocean a beautiful blue.  I'm looking forward to boating, hiking and camping.  Right now everything just looks and feels dull and gray!

THIS is the the Sitka that I love and am looking forward to!

Guilt and Hypocracy over Fruity Pebbles...

Picture this....


A mom is walking with her two kids through the grocery store.  Heading down the cereal/coffee/granola bar aisle of the store the kids ask if they can get cereal.  The Mom replies yes but says, "only the good kind."  The kids beg her to let them try Cocoa Puffs, Reece's Cereal or Fruity Pebbles.  The mom proceeds to go off on a tangent about how those cereals are disgusting, unhealthy and not allowed.  She encourages them to browse the all-natural/organic cereals where everything looks like cardboard but she promises her kids it really doesn't taste like cardboard.  Yeah, I'm that mom.

Fast forward to tonight.  Taylor asked me last minute to make her goodies to take into her classroom tomorrow in honor of her birthday this Saturday.  I was only about 1/8 of the way through my over booked evening of kid events and I instantly knew I was not going to have enough time to bake one of my usual homemade, delicious, beautiful treats.

After getting of work, picking up 3 kids and before jump rope class, swim class, dinner and the Geography Bee that goes I ran to the store frantically trying to figure this out.  I headed to the cereal aisle, why I don't know and it hit me.  Fruity Pebble Treats!!!  I bought the disgusting ingredients required, paid and ran out to the truck.  As I'm standing over the stove tonight cooking the marshmallows down I am overcome with guilt.  I can't believe I'm going to feed my kids this crap let alone 20 other kids.  I felt guilty for Mrs. Davis, Taylor's teacher as well  The guilt has been with me all night.  I kept telling myself I am better then this.  I'm not that mom who sends birthday treats to school riddled with Red Dye #40 or High Fructose Corn Syrup.

Travi even took the time to point out that not only am I a hypocrite for serving Fruity Pebbles with all the rants I go on about gross cereal every weekend at the store but then gasp when I tried a little bit of the concoction off the spoon to make sure it wasn't horrid.  Truth be told, the kids will love them.  They are way to sweet, exceptionally gooey and they look like something straight out of Willy Wonka's  Chocolate Factory!

I have pretty high standards about our food. I don't judge others about their standards, to each their own but I personally am a food snob. Tonight I felt like I hit an all time low. I'm very tired from not sleeping well, over extended with the kids schedule and trying to compensate at work the best I can for being short personnel.  In a nutshell, I locked myself in the bathroom and cried my eyes out  over those stupid Fruity Pebbles.  

I did feel better afterwards and my saving grace was Taylor telling me how beautiful and colorful the treats looked. She loves them and can't wait to share. She did admit she is more then giddy to actually taste Fruity Pebbles for the first time ever!

I need sleep and a mental health day this weekend. Then the Fruity Pebbles won't hurt so much and I won't feel like I can never show my face in Taylor's class again over these darn treats.

Inspiration...

I feel like I have been a borderline bitch the past few days.  I'm sure its a combination of things but I definitely feel it.  I have bitten off all of my nails, scrubbed all the bathrooms to burn off frustration and rearranged furniture to feel accomplished and good about something.  I find myself biting my tongue to not come off sounding like a raving lunatic, fighting the urge to delete people on Facebook (I'm just hiding them instead) and using relaxing, breathing techniques to keep from flying off the handle or bursting into tears.

I have been in need of inspiration and feel good things to raise my spirits.  Speaking of spirits, Mr. Clos du Bois was my wonderful, full bodied friend tonight.  

So, in case you need some feel goods you can enjoy/refer to mine.

                                               

I have had these quotes on my phone for a while 

but have been referencing them frequently the last few days. 

Great Perspective!

                                                 

I started reading this book the other night in bed.  The story is a little intense but really good.  Its really nice to lay in bed, in the quiet and read rather then bite my nails down to the quick and think of vulgar ways to tell the Postmaster she needs to hire more personnel to work the counter at the Post Office.  Lost 45 minutes of my life there today that I am never getting back.

  

This is beautiful Kaanapali beach which we will be laying and soaking up the sun on in just a matter of time. 

 Please reference the countdown that I have on my iphone.  I check it daily!  

FYI, those are my husbands toes from the last time we laid on the beaches in Maui

                                       

Mr. Full Bodied~Merlot

                                                  

Lastly my screen lock on my phone.  This makes me smile ever time I have to
 "slide to unlock"!

I feel like it might be a long week considering its only Monday, but luckily my kids have been amazing and school starts again tomorrow.  Raising my glass to routines, scheduled bed times and taking it week by week. 

The blog is getting a facelift soon.  Going to give it a new and improved look for the new year!!  Come back and check it out soon.